Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Dippy Bird and Those Stupid Eyes

I have no idea why this happens, but I've been pranked at work on numerous occasions. Here's the short list:
  • All of my important and timeless books were stolen and replaced with Windows 95 books and other manuals from 1986. For those of you that aren't computer scientists, this is an insult above all insults.
  • My book shelves have doors. One day, when I opened them, I found myself in a substantial pile of packaging peanuts. Apparently, the thieves wanted to return them in such a way as to avoid breaking them.
  • One time, I won a prize at a picnic. It was a Nerf gun. Days later, my darts were stolen. When I complained, they were returned, but my gun went missing. It was returned to me yesterday after about a year.
When I got back to my cubicle yesterday, my chair was gone. My name plate had been replaced with, "Sir Dippy Bird." There was newspaper covering my entire desk. And where my keyboards used to sit, there was bird seed, a partially eaten gummy worm, and a perpetual motion bird.

This was my replacement. Apparently this bird has done more work in the eight weeks I've been absent than I've done in my entire life. Everyone that came by to see me this week first asked how Dippy Bird was doing. They were all so impressed by how much of a better job he was doing.

There was even a picture of him on his desk with Run-DMC.

Needless to say, I don't get along with Dippy Bird. Has Dippy Bird ever had to massage fluid out of his gimp foot? No way. Ever wondered what it looks like to massage fluid out of a gimp foot? I thought you might!

Here it is. A classic fluid lump on the top of my foot. I took this picture last Sunday after being up on it all day. In theory, I'm supposed to push that gross pile of fluid all the way up to my knee.

Fact: Superman couldn't push that lump past my knee.

The good news is my fluid build up wasn't too bad Monday or today. I've done a good job of keeping my foot elevated.

I also took this photo on Sunday.

This was taken just a few minutes ago. It looks better, right? It's a bit smaller. Hopefully it has finally decided to heal.

The February 13th incision is just about done healing. That just goes to show you how brutal these injuries can be. Since there's no muscle around the bone explosion site, my skin absorbed most of the energy. The resulting swelling, infection, and necrosis really slowed the healing process.

It still needs to be treated like an open wound, but probably only for a few more days. It's funny to think that just a month ago, I was freaking out that this part of my leg was going to die.

This was what it looked like four weeks ago. That's a gigantic difference. Good work, body. Good work. It's about time you did something around here.

I cheated and removed one of the steri-strips myself. I'm supposed to wait for them to fall off on their own. I don't know why I've been leaving them on. The incision has completely healed. There's nothing for them to hold together anymore.

It's probably another prank.


  1. I heard a story about a Baron von Dippy Bird. He broke a drumstick trying to fly. Dad