Adversity, Women's Deodorant, a Stumpdate, and I Will Hunt You Down

No Handlebars

About a month ago, I had one of my two legs removed below the knee.  It was my right leg.  An important leg.  I used it to smash homeruns during my short but storied kickball career.  The amputation was easy, but these are things you already know.

When I woke up from surgery on June 14th, I was told I'd walk by August 1st.  I grabbed that milestone with sixteen days to spare.  But I didn't just grab it.

I no-handlebarred it.

Growing up on the streets as a kid, that was a crowning achievement.  And you had to make it obvious no hands were touching your Huffy.  This move — or even better, the no-handlebars/no-look combo — relinquished control, impressed friends, but increased the risk of a crash.

Perhaps the kind of crash that ends with a faceplant into your parent's sweet 1991 Buick Regal Sedan.

Taking my first steps a month after cutting my leg off without using the handlebars is an achievement.  I recognize this.  And yet I walked out of Orthotic Prosthetic Center frustrated, angry, and sad.

I was in a glass case of emotion.

My stump was sore.  But my emotions were even more sore.  It was frustrating to not understand why I felt bad when I knew I should have felt awesome.  I told Brooke later that night I envisioned running immediately.  But that was not my problem.

The problem was I had let go of the handlebars and I had stopped looking ahead.  It was the dreaded no-handlebars/no-look combo.  I crashed.  My amputation had been too easy.  And now, finally, it was hard.  It was painful.  I have a recovery in front of me.

Here's a brief excerpt I edited out from the sweet montage I put up last week.  This was my first attempt to remove the socket from my freshly trimmed leg.  In this clip Megan, my main certified prosthetist and orthotist, explains to me for the first time how the socket works and how to get out of it.  As you can see, it was a challenge for my massive biceps and triceps to remove.

This went on for hours.  Not so inspiring.  So these clips were cut from the montage.  It's the same reason I haven't updated the blog since last week.  I don't write unless I've come through the other side of the problem with a reason to have a positive attitude, some unique insight, or suppository jokes.

The reality of the situation was I lost sight of just how big of a decision this was.  I knew it was big.  I knew it was final.  But I hadn't been on the other side until now.  Now I was swimming in the consequences.  I have a leg that shrinks faster than the test sockets can be made.  It's frustrating.  And every amputee goes through this.  I've fortunately got an awesome team and network of amputees to talk to about this process.

Earlier today, I met with Elliot and Megan to make a new, smaller test socket.  Because my leg shrank one centimeter in circumference in the last few days, we switched to a smaller liner and recast my leg for a new test socket.  Elliot expects the stump to shrink even further in the next few weeks.

Tomorrow I return for another test drive.  I have high hopes.  As this process improves, my confidence grows.  As my confidence grows, I pay more attention to LivingSocial emails.

In the meantime, I've had to "sock up" to make my now large test socket comfortable to wear.

That's every sock Megan hooked me up with last week just to prevent the bottom of my stump from bearing too much weight in my socket.

Static electricity and sweat.

The stump is doing well.  The picture above was taken the day after first-walk day, so you can see some of the bruising that's since dissipated.  It's still sore, but most of that pain is caused by the large socket banging against my tibia.  The soreness I have now will be resolved with a tighter fit tomorrow.

The liner is very comfortable.  I've started wearing women's deodorant on the stump and leg to prevent sweating.

Apparently this is one of only a few products that actually help prevent liner sweating.  It works like a champ.  And I finally smell light and fresh.  Finally.

Earlier this evening I had dinner with some good friends I hadn't seen in years.  My friend Luke mentioned he had heard that a stand-up comic is using this blog in his routine.  Specifically, he's taken the second paragraph from The Story page and converted it into a joke.

He's stealing my laughs!

I did stand-up in college.  Briefly.  Like, maybe five times.  I had one great show.  Bombed the rest.  It's always been a dream of mine to do stand-up, or at least do something funny.  It's the leading cause of my obnoxiousness (I try out material on people non-stop to see what sticks).

In fact, I had a friend tell me that I probably got this amputation so I could make penis jokes.  That is 5% accurate.

Those laughs are mine.  I'd like them returned.  I now have a new mission to discover this stand-up comedian.

Finally, I have not forgotten about the Sixteen Things Series.  A video is coming soon that continues that series.  Soon!